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well, there's so much that nobody was saying. Everyone laughs, sings, parties together. On the outside, everyone looks so put together. I was still wrestling with my anger with "T," my own feelings of worthlessness for not having protected my siblings, and my anger with my dad for just having another cocktail with all of the craziness. a woman who seems fine on the outside, but almost as if there's something stirring underneath. "T" married a woman he had dated for several years - a woman I don't like. Mind you, I once found naked photos of my father with his sister.įast-forward to 10 or 12 years later. My dad drank, but then again that had started way before any of this. It seemed that everyone I knew, every young family member, had been affected. My youngest brother started getting high at age 12, and I've never seen him sober since. Each of those siblings went on to start drinking and using drugs. Minimal, if any therapy, was received by my other siblings. Then, my other brother, age 6, said that he didn't want to talk about it. Then, my cousin said that he used to come over to her house when her dad wasn't home and asked if he could be her first kiss. My sister, age 8, then came forward and said that "T" had also been molesting her ever since she could remember. My brother, a minor himself, went into counseling. The family friend was indicted by a grand jury, and then a few days later shot himself before standing trial. "T" told everyone about how this family friend had been "raping" him for years. she had somehow connected all the dots already.
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This was when I was 18, the other two brothers were 10 and 12 at the time. It was found out by my mother (divorced from my father) who walked in on two of my other brothers engaged in fellatio. He would come over and they would get so sloshed together that this friend would end up spending the night. This friend had been one of our dad's drinking buddies. But other than that, I never had any disturbing event till I became 21.īe patient we’ll get there… At this point I’m still 20.When I was 18, I found out that my brother (I'll call him "T") had been sexually abused for years by a family friend. I’d also witnessed only one disturbing event regarding homosexuality a Pakistani guy being killed for being gay in KSA, I was 15 back then.
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SO, no major aBUT I have to mention a few harassments, not sexual ones THANK GOD, but they caused quite a disturbance in my relationship with my father back then. (The Taurus thing kicks again :P)Īnyway, one day I decided enough is enough, I’m ready to act upon my sexual desires & identity. I’m still friends with her till now, what can I do? I’m adorable. So, I did accept the fact that I’m gay at a young age I was 19 & a few months, nevertheless I had to prove it to myself, so (hold your breath guys) I had sex with a woman (ewwwwww, I know), & actually maintained a relationship with her for over 10 months. Anyway, I have mentioned a summarized conclusion in my other blog. After almost 13 months, I came to the conclusion that Islam agrees with that study, but never state a clear statement about gay sexual activities, or whether homosexuals are accepted in “the Kingdom of Heaven” per say.įor those who are wondering about Lut story in the Quran, the whole concept is misunderstood & misinterpreted, they were not punished for being homosexuals as the flow of the story events tells. Never been lucky with the Christian ones, but thanks to my grandfather’s & father’s reputations, I was able to have access to many rare Muslim books. I had to do my research, then studied Muslim and Christians Scripts, to know where religions stand from one’s sexual identity. There, I heard of that “new”, back then, study about being “born gay”. (HEY, I’m a Taurus, I HAVE to brag a little… LOL)
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Poor me ? I got my first “public” hard on at 13, when I saw a gorgeous teacher he was 25, so who can blame me? huh?ĭenial: We’ve all gone through that phase, haven’t we? Well, for me it was between the age of 14 till 18.Īcceptance: Luckily for me, I enrolled in Med School, always been a bright student. Puberty: I remember starting getting all the puberty signs at the age of 12 years old. Grown in a very religious family, grandfather was a Sheikh & Islamic activist, not a terrorist btw for those of you who might think wrongfully that all Muslim activists are terrorists, but he was strict enough. UFFFFFĪnyway, I thought of starting with quick facts:īorn in 1975, moved to KSA (Saudi Arabia) with family in 1979, to live in the Holy City of Medina. I have been writing, deleting, rewriting over & over now. I never thought telling my story would be that hard.